Little Nagging Voice: Good morning.
Me: Oh no.
LNV: It's your own fault, you know.
LNV: Yeah, really.
Me: How so?
LNV: It's pretty obvious. And you know how so, because I know how so, and I'm a part of you.
Me: Don't remind me.
LNV: You're not in a very good mood today. And I'm going to start asking questions soon...
Me: Please don't. It's been a long and kind of extended weekend and dealing with questions from my own conciousness makes me feel dizzy.
LNV: A long extended weekend? It's Wednesday. You must've worked real hard last week to earn a long weekend.
Me: Bugger off.
LNV: So when did this weekend actually start?
LNV: Around 18 October, maybe?
Me: I've done loads, keeping the house tidy...
LNV: Jan does that, not you.
Me: Sorting the mail - my folks get a lot of mail.
LNV: That took you an afternoon. Yesterday afternoon, in fact.
Me: Setting the clock.
LNV: This is getting pathetic.
Me: Taking the garbage out.
LNV: Yes, congratulations on not forgetting it this week.
Me: Fuck you.
LNV: So, how's the exercise going? Considering you hate the shape you're in, you'd think you were hammering away at the NordicTrack.
Me: I only did it twice last week - I got sidetracked. And drunk. And I had house guests.
LNV: Dude, you can only manage 15 minutes tops anyway. If you dragged your lazy arse out of bed when you woke up instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, you could have done it without ignoring your guests.
Me: Well, yeah, I suppose, but - I love my bed.
LNV: It's not your bed. It's the guest bed. As soon as the 'rents get back, they're going to throw your arse out back. And do you love your bed more than you hate being fat?
Me: No. But, well, being well-rested is almost as important as being in good shape.
LNV: If you were in good shape, your lazy arse wouldn't need to sleep so much, dipshit. It's not as though you're resting after a hard day's work.
Me: Well, duh.
LNV: Nice comeback. Is that exceptional wit making its way into the novel?
Me: Of course.
LNV: Did you notice my snide remark about lack of hard day's work?
LNV: And what work are you supposed to be doing?
LNV: And are you doing this work?
Me: You can't give me shit for not being able to write! It's you that's stopping me; whispering in my ear that I'm deluding myself - that I won't be able to get it published, that sooner or later I'll capitulate and crumble and run with my tail between my legs back to Luvians or some other job! And that it would be better to watch a video rather than waste my time trying to write... How dare you give me shit for not writing!
LNV: That's not me.
Me: Of course it's you, you're the voice that nags me.
LNV: There are lots of different voices.
Me: It sounds just like you.
LNV: Well, it's not. That's the Self-Doubt Voice; he works a lot with the Procrastination Voice. They're not popular with the other voices. And of course we all have the same voice, we're all you. Duh.
Me: Very witty. And why am I not comforted by there being lots of you?
LNV: Hey, be grateful we're merely facets of your conciousness; we could could be different personalities, and then you'd be in the loony bin.
Me: Don't look now, but you just comforted me instead of nagging me.
Me: Don't worry too much; it wasn't all that comforting.
LNV: Good. So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?
Me: I'm going to go exercise and then work on my novel.
LNV: Are you sure?
Me: How could I not after this conversation?
LNV: Anything else?
Me: I've got to pack for St Andrews this weekend.
LNV: Can you really afford that?
LNV: Didn't think so.