confessions

There are times I feel guilty.

I don't update this blog enough. It bothers me. It bothers me for the simple reasons. I let my reader(s?) down. I let myself down. The latter bothers me the most.

More often than not, I'm trying to work out the grades of grey, silver and platinum that the sky and sea achieve on your average afternoon. The brilliance and glory of the elusive gold the odd stroke of sun grants the skyscape and sea beneath it - how do you write, photograph, stammer, stutter, shrug off what effect it takes on you?

Mostly it's just platinum and silver, the dangling whisps of skyscraper clouds catching that rare vein of molten sunlight on the horizon, bouncing from stone to sea to itself and back. The golfers bitch in the background about the day and I just try to find new words for sights timeless, that I've seen for years, and still strike me so that I don't notice the slow passage of time.

Mostly it's that.

Sometimes it's subtle. Just steel and cold, the odd patches of light growing in corners, the armpits of clouds, above slate water with no observer. Through a veil of rain I still look at the beauty of it and wonder why no one else does.

Sometimes they do. To be fair, sometimes they see it. They see the weight of the clouds, their pressure, depth and see how the light steals through them, how the stone beneath may soften but never yield. But they don't see it all.

They want the rain in spite of the sun. The early night without the endless days that precede it.

The town is worn and endless.
Those moments it bears the brunt and we lean against a battered wall of stripped stone and only ask what's next.
It holds us up.
And we walk home.
And the sea roars behind us.

patter

It's been raining for weeks now.
At night its patter lulls me to sleep.
In the day it falls silently.
But I see the rippled circles appear and disappear in the puddles.
And I hear their rhythm in my head.

Go see some pics.

I'm going to buy an umbrella.

possibly every argument ever?

ha.

ha, what?

ha, I win.

You win?

Yeah. I win.

Inner Nagging Voice wins?

Yup.

Uh. Well... to be honest, you're more resurrected than won.

What do you mean?

Well... we dealt without you.

Dealt?... Without?... Random pronouns?

You?

Whatever. You lost.

Lost? I've posted for YEARS without you.

You?

Yeah, me.

Right.

Shit.

Where are we? Lost track.

I haven't.

No. No. That's not how it is. I haven't lost track.

You have.

Nope.

You so have.

Nope.

So what have you not lost?

What?

What haven't you lost?

Right. Um... I haven't lost perspective?

Of course. What were we arguing about?

Fuck off. But. Um... actually...

You're in trouble.

Fix it.

Can I?

Maybe.

The triumphant return of the Inner Nagging Voice.

You've not said anything.

Of course I have

Never wanted to.

I've always something to say.

And used to say it

Never said I didn't.

But...

Well...

I can't just jump out and call them all a bunch of cunts, can I?

Actually...

By your own rules...

You can...

Can I?

Yes.

Your music taste's still shit though.