13 February 2006

not irony but something of that vein

Ok, so a few years ago two-jags, the UK's ridiculous deputy prime minister reacts poorly to the unwanted application of egg to his person and belts the offending party with a big left hook. That was a few years ago now, but to this day my father claims that Prescott's only talent is his left hook. I thought it was a pretty clumsy punch myself.

In any case, it seems the US, never wanting to be seen as playing catch-up in political gaffes or odious deputies, has leapfrogged the fat, tax-dodging wanker and set the new bar for assaulting the electorate. Yes, the illustrious Dick Cheney has upped and shot someone on a hunting trip. I'm trying to work out if he loses points for it being an accident. You see, Prescott really wanted to punch the guy who threw an egg at him. You can tell from the video clips. There's no "ooh, I was just pointing out my second XJ8 when that bloke's jaw jumped in the way" in his eyes, there's murderous rage. Maybe there was a council tax bill in the egg. In any case, Prescott wanted to punch the guy and he did. Cheney wanted to shoot a quail. And instead he shot a person.

This is what a quail looks like:That doesn't look like a person to me.

And he's supposed to be the smart one.

There's a landslide of metaphors and puns waiting to be unleashed on this. I'm sure the web is exploding with them. From puns involving Dan Quayle to the inevitable comparison between being unable to shoot a bird without nearly killing a pal with being unable to invade Iraq without reason. Or being unable to co-run the country without spying on its populace. Or being unable to award building contracts without making himself and his pals obscenely rich.

So while this incident can be contorted into a mirthful metaphor for the entire Bush-Cheney presidency, Prescott's incident can be held up as his only success since 1997.

There is one more similarity between the Prescott punch and Dick's birdshot: there won't be any assault charges filed. And the arsehole shot a lawyer! If any other poor sap shot a lawyer by accident they'd be sued so bad their pets would be paying compensation. What do you bet the lawyer gets some fat consultancy with, say, Halliburton? He's 78 as well. So the VP will get away scot-free with shooting an OAP lawyer.

Of course if this deputy competition escalates, Prescott will be polishing his flame-thrower and then who know what Cheney will do?

I'm just that little bit twisted enough to enjoy the humour of the situation. Terribly cynical? Yes, but considering the dire state of politics in both the UK & US if you can't laugh at the Vice President shooting someone, what can you laugh at?

Besides, nobody's flaming mouse has burnt down their house recently. Much more fun than politics any day.

2 comments:

A said...

Cheney's got a gun...


Why, oh why, couldn't he have been hunting with Bush? Am I going to get picked up by the Secret Service for saying that? Oh well, they're probably already data-mining me. Filthy.

Richard said...

I hear that if Cheney dies the Secret Service have orders to shoot Bush. Heh.