15 January 2006

New toys

So, I passed my test. After 29 years of life as a pedestrian, I can now drive a car.

Aside from a brief time in my pre-teen years where cool cars were essential and copies of Road & Track magazine were littered throughout my room, often with the Matchbox or Hot Wheels twin (or, as I got more sophisticated and expensive in my tastes, Burago) of the featured super car on the cover on the floor somewhere guarenteed to find the foot of an unsuspecting adult, I've never really been into cars.

So now I'm thinking about what car to buy. A friend has a Renault Clio for sale, pretty good nick. Sadly it doesn't come with Nicole from the adverts. Though to be fair, he said he wouldn't be selling it to me if it did. It's pretty expensive. But I'm not sure I want a car named a Clio. Is that a bad reason not to buy a car? The good reason not to buy a car is that I can't afford it, but that's beside the point. I have a license, and sort of feel a car should have come with it as well. I think that's the American in me.

Maybe a Golf, or a Polo. I like Volkswagens. They're expensive though. And kind of clich├ęd. It just needs to be able to make the London-Fife run without any hassle. Is that too much to ask? Maybe some nice speakers as well - you know, to take advantage of iTrip. And, well, fast enough to overtake grannies on the motorway. And not an ugly colour. Or, if it is an ugly colour, an outrageously ugly colour. Don't want to do things by half. Electric pink with purple go-faster stripes. Might as well get a car called a Clio with that sort of paintjob.

It's all kind of moot at the moment. New toys to be had but no money to buy them with.


Jo said...

Richard, Richard, Richard. It seems some advice is needed.

A Clio is a girls car. Without a doubt. No self respecting guy could drive a Clio and not have the integrity of his semen compromised. Volkswagon is spelt Volkswagen. They are anal about that kind of thing. Because they are German. You might not pass their ownership test because no self respecting guy cares a hoot about the colour of the car. Or certainly doesn't verbsalise it. So maybe you should settle for a clio. I feel your cool adviser might need to take you through the pages of Autotrader before you purchase a what is to men an extension of your penis. Or go and talk about it mano-a-mano over a pint of lager (not shandy pansy boy)...

PS. Don't erroneously think that just because you drive a small car that girls will think your dick is big. That assumption goes only one way and girls are always impressed by big cars, small penis or not.

Richard said...

Now I'm worried.

Does being indecisive at the moment mean I'm unsure of penis size? Because, well, I'm not. Unsure that is. I am aware of its size.

And if I don't care about what car I have, as long as it's cheap, does that mean I have a comparable apathy towards my member? Because I don't. Have apathy that is. Towards, well, you know.

And I can, and have, corrected my misspelling. So your correction is erroneous. So there. :-P