First off - gadgets. I suppose I would describe myself as a bit of a gadget geek. I have an iBook, an iMac, an iPod & and a Shuffle, digital camera, DV camcorder, smart(ish) phone, iBoom, dictaphone, and many other odd objects kicking about - some of which I don't know the whole story behind why I have them. I got my new phone the other day, and it works. I upgraded because my previous phone didn't work, so the new one working was a bonus.
I took it out, I played with it - successfully transferred all my contacts to it, had a go at the camera which was pretty incredible for a phone. And now I'm at a bit of a loose end. There isn't anyone I need to phone in particular. Or text. And when I take a picture, I want to use a real camera.
And my computers... I'm finding that unless I have something to do - be it email, check something on the net, write, update this blog, load some photos or do some web design, I don't really want to just be using them for the sake of fiddling.
Am I growing out of gadgets? It would be a good thing, particularly for my bank account. But still a considerable rite of passage. Some guys never get over them.
It's like realising that I'm a morning person in denial. I wake up naturally about 7 but for some reason force myself to go back to sleep to be rudely awakened by my alarm and feeling far worse than I did an hour before. I might preempt a New Years resolution and start getting up when I wake up. I'll keep the alarm on for back up.
Anyway... things have been strange over the last couple of days. I feel like I was away for a lot longer than I was. And I had loads of stuff to write. Simple, obvious observations and questions that piqued my curiosity. But I can't quite get a grasp of them. I'm wondering why I write this blog. My mother told me she was surprised by how personal it is. I hadn't noticed at the time. Reading over it, there are a few things discretion should probably have edited. But it's there. There are some things I don't talk about, I suppose. This is accessible to anyone after all.
Originally I meant to use the blog as a means to write everyday, even if I couldn't focus on one of my big projects, I'd be getting stuff out of my head and onto the screen. It wasn't really meant to be a journal, which is what I think it's becoming. If I forget my intentions, what I wanted to say, does it matter that I had them in the first place?
I have an issue with self-doubt at the moment. I'm questioning almost everything I do and everything I want to do. It's an attempt to be objective but judging how dreadful I feel about things this morning it's shifted to full-blown pessimism. It may be something to do with working all weekend.
It's not all bad news - an old friend is in town and she makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt. And she's amazing at hugs, as are all the friends she brought. So here's to some big hugs and cheering up.