They knew

This is upsetting. There are loads of smart-arse comments that could be made, but in the end it's just sad. I'll be making a Red Cross donation, because I feel I have to. I just hope it will be spent well.

Dream-chasing, car-driving, tree-climbing and hedgehogs

I saw this hedgehog on my walk home last night. It was just marching along the harbour side, doing its thing. From a distance I thought it was a rat as they are far more likely to be seen kicking about harbours. As I got closer I thought it was not just a rat, but a massive hound-of-hell sized rat, so obviously I had to get even closer. Instead it was a hedgehog. Not your standard harbourside wildlife. I was fascinated; my mother's a huge fan of hedgehogs, ever since Monty Python's "Spiny Norman - The Hedgehog that Ate New York" sketch. I must confess that some of it rubbed off on me and I was well chuffed to see one. It was yet another odd thing that has happened of late.

I handed in my letter of resignation on Tuesday. I was petrified. My mind was going over every worst-case scenario possible, probable, improbable an impossible. I was imagining screaming matches, lost friends, slammed doors, burnt bridges - the lot. It made me weary, and pretty soon the chances of a happy outcome were lost in my mind. I don't know why. Poison head hitting again. But it was fine. Andy was so cool about it - congratulating me and telling me it was the right decision at the right time. My life's ahead of me and happening. The owners don't seem bitter at all, though a bit sad at my departure.

It was simple really. I want to do a lot with my life, be it writing, acting, directing or treasure-hunting. I could do none of these things being a wine merchant in St Andrews. The longer I was a wine-merchant in St Andrews the less likely it was I would do the things I felt I was meant to be doing.

So I'm moving to London next month, and going to be writing. I want to finish a first draft of my novel before the new year. I'm going to be living at home for the first 4 or 5 months, then hopefully back up north to Edinburgh. Nothing's set in stone yet. I'm giddy with excitement though. And giddy isn't something I've been all that familiar with recently.

When I was in high school, I'd take a free period and go to my favourite tree and climb up. There'd usually be a couple of my friends up there doing the same thing. We were excited; about where we were and being young and silly and having life ahead of us. We were giddy. It's like that again. And there's no better feeling. And I thought nothing could bring me down from it.

Until I failed my driving test yesterday. That sucked. I walked in, having successfully resigned, thinking that everything was going to go that well from now on and totally succumbed to nerves. I drove like it was my first time and didn't think at all. As a bonus, my manoeuvres were fine, as was my gear-changing. Just mirror/signal disasters. So I was moping yesterday afternoon. But apparently the best drivers fail first time. So I'll take that as cold comfort. I just hope a get close cancellation date - I'm signed up for 14 November, by which point I'll have been in London for a month. want my license now. It serves me right for waiting 12 years to get it, but still. I just want it over and done with. Hmmmm... So if anyone reading this has a test (in Cupar) in the next fortnight and doesn't really feel like it, let me know. There's a nice bottle in it for you!